The Question

From all I've read, 

it seems to be the question that comes right after 

being asked your name and nationality - 

(No, St Louisans, not "What high school did you go to?",

although the intent behind the question 
might be similar... 

to categorize, 

to pigeonhole, 

to see what points of similarity or difference 

might exist between you and the 'other') -

WHY are you walking the Camino?

How much honesty do they want to hear?

How much honesty do I want to offer?

Would they accept - 

I don't know.

Because God told me to.

Because a spark got placed in my heart more than a decade ago 

and now I can't imagine my life not walking it.

Because I see dead people.

Because the face of the first child I worked with 

who died of abuse at the hands of his parents - 

in 1980 - 

is forever etched in my brain and heart -
along with the faces and stories of scores of others 
who have been beaten to death since then;

because back then I thought his death was an aberration - 

the type of death I would rarely have to deal with- 

never dreaming it would become a common occurrence. 

Because I'm haunted.

Because I have Secondary PTSD 

and  the broken bodies of children- 

and the accumulated sorrow of their stories-
keeps me awake at night.

Because my soul was dying.

Because I'm drowning in an ocean 
of the unshed tears 
I've accumulated

over three decades
of watching children get wounded and die
before their time.

Because I'm afraid I don't know how to live 
without being a pain sponge.

After much deliberation,

I think I'm going with

"I just retired and I'm trying to decide 

what to do with the rest of my life".

That's the truth too.

I'll save the rest for deeper conversations
with a select few 

and time alone with God...