BTW

Just because you feel called to do something,

just because you instinctively know something is right for you,

that doesn't always mean you'll be successful at it.

Called to be a mother?
Yes, but...

there were three miscarriages between the births of my sons.

Called to be married?
Yes, but...

there was a divorce -

after my husband had an affair with his secretary.

(Hey, it wouldn't have gotten to be a cliche

if if didn't happen 

with some regularity.)

Called to co-parent children with a former spouse?
Yes, but...
there was his death at the age of 39
when our sons were 4 and 10,
leaving all of us more vulnerable
and me with no backup plan,
or financial help,
for their care.

All I know is -

contrary to common advertising hoopla -

failure IS a possibility.

There ARE, in fact, circumstances beyond our control.

However, I also know, 

that failure and the uncontrollable 
aren't always what they seem;

sometimes, they're stepping stones 
to something better

and

sometimes

the effort, 

not the end result,

IS what counts!

So, when I say I feel called,
compelled actually, 
to walk the Camino,
there are no guarantees
about the completion.

That's NOT 'hedging my bet';

it's merely facing reality.